A Fuck Boy is a specific type of male Millennial douchebag. There have been equivalents to the modern Fuck Boy, the annoyingly macho and bad mannered young man archetype, across each generation. Yet the current batch of them, thanks to smartphones and social media making the ability to lead an unproductive and narcissistic lifestyle especially easy, are particularly obnoxious. They are the kind of people that Baby Boomers like to point to as proof that Millennials are morally bankrupt and lazy.
As a rule, they are disrespectful and rude to nearly everyone with a pulse who makes the mistake of coming into contact with them. They’re vain and narcissistic and have particular obsessions with their phones: especially the acts of taking selfies and posting about how awesome they are on social media. They embrace the most annoying social and fashion trends of the present moment, such as, currently, vaping and man buns. They especially love hooking up with women on dating apps such as Tinder and are the kind of guys who send women pictures of their genitals. As women nowadays are becoming wiser to their bullshit and fucking them less, Fuck Boys always exaggerate their sexual conquests.–“Fuck Boy”, Urban Dictionary.
The American male is a rare specimen. With pride larger than himself, he does not take to jokes kindly. The British sense of humour comes off purely as insulting, and his attempts to get a girl into bed are rarely fruitful. With an ego that supposes most of them to be professional athletes or rappers one day, how is a girl supposed to overcome this monstrosity that America has created? And why do American girls stay with guys even though they’re on tinder, bumble and liking every girls picture under the sun.
One of the most complicated things that I’ve found is their reluctance to any form of emotional attachment, or even when they do have one, they’re cheaters. I have split up one couple, because her boyfriend asked me out on a date – he actually had the audacity to come over and say hello on a night out when they were together. (Though this was all done over Snapchat) and I hate to admit that this wasn’t the first time that I’ve realised a boy was in a relationship whilst talking to me out here. Actually, a large proportion of them are, something about the south seems to constitute this need for main girls and “side bitches” – but why be either one when they’re treated as equals.
Men have narrowed me down to an object out here. One of these same boys who “finally” made it official, was also one of the ones saying that he would take me shopping at the beginning of the semester. He was shocked when I said I didn’t need a man for that; “I am independent”. I do not want to ever have to owe a man anything. The same thing occurred when I offered to buy a boy a drink out here – back home this is normal? I always offer to pay for my share and though it may come with hesitation at the fear of emasculating … It’s never been answered with the degree of shock that I’ve found it out here.
There seems to be a pattern with the dominance of masculinity and the inequity of how there is a lack of acceptance of female sexuality. The female sexuality as a topic is not just in the media, but entwined into every day complications of female oppression. From girls not being able to wear “tank tops”, the rape culture of Brock Turner, to the lack of women in high profile jobs – men get the upper hand. Women are not given the access to have a sexuality – only a false one which pleases the male.
I have found that when I am as forward with my sexuality and I am back home here and equally as the males are I am treated as though I should be ashamed or seen as a threat. The male sexuality seems to be used as a weapon and something which forces women into submission. An “MRS degree” is a normal occurrence out here, and how would any man want to wife a woman who has experimented with her sexuality enough to know what she wants. A woman cannot possibly like sex as much as a man can? Not in the South at all. A man can have multiple lovers, but as soon as I admit to one that I don’t want to be exclusive I am a “whore” and told “no guy wants to be with a girl like that”.
When I have told American men of my sexual experiences they either look in horror or in disgust. How dare she have more sexual experience than me. I’ve had guys avoid kissing me during sex even though we had already made out because that forms too much of an attachment. There’s not the acceptance or excitement to experiment with sex here that there is back home. Could it be that the “Bible Belt” constitutes for most of this fear and that the fear of homosexuality has spread more broadly to the fear of any form of non-traditional sexual practices? OR does the masculine culture protrude so far into the minds of the young men that they are not allowed to get attached to anything. My friends have even had guys that after a night of conversation, no sex involved they have blocked them on all forms of social media.
Back home there is the narrow minded, but back home the game is different. It is easier to talk to people about where things are going. I can be direct with what I want. I can say that I just want to fuck them, and a man will accept that readily…. Here? It comes with a shadow of fear… Is she going to instantly fall in love with me if I give her this AWESOME DICK? (Men seem to pretty average or disappointing in bed over here, and I trust me I’m not the only exchange student out here to think this) Is this a trap? (Because I’m such a catch she obviously wants to marry me) Funnily enough I’ve found it more common that there is the idea of “is she going to get pregnant to trap me?” The amount of young men in the early twenties who have children here and are on tinder still shocks me…
Here there is also a problem with fulfilling the sexual needs if women. There is a priority on HIS pleasure. Men all over the world contribute to this stereotype, and consider women to not enjoy sex, but the equal truth of it is that if we’re not enjoying it, you’re not listening to us. I have been drunk every time I have slept with someone here, and out of these 3 months that I’ve been here, I have not fully came once. Not once. Each time I have realised that I am faking it just to get him off me, because the consequences of saying that I wasn’t enjoying it would lead to a larger problem.
With one partner, here I actually found myself saying that “I’m not in the mood for sex tonight, I just want a cuddle”. This is so out of character for myself… But I realised, it was because of the loneliness that I have felt since being here. He was homely, he didn’t challenge me the way that I needed to be but he was the first person here to make me feel comfortable – like I could be myself. He didn’t seem like the typical “American Fuck Boy” I had told him about my past, the things I had got up to and at first it intrigued him, it was the same reaction that I’ve got from European men. Our relationship continued merely in the form of drunken sex, and in all honestly, I could barely remember it each time the next morning each time it was that eventful. But I liked the idea that there was someone I could go to here without feeling the judgement which was so common. We were going back and forth like children. His immaturity was endearing and it made me feel like a teenager. Once he left his necklace round mine and was shocked that I wasn’t wearing it like a thirteen-year-old would. So, when he asked me if I liked him, and I guessed at this point I did, I didn’t want anything more so what was the harm? He knew that I would be going next year… He freaked out. Trying to explain things to him, trying to explain that I didn’t want to be tied down here, that I did want to be sexually free changed the whole dynamic.
I was a slut.
I questioned myself. I had never been ashamed of my own sexuality, but now I was? I questioned who I was and what I had being doing since I had been here? America had done that to me. It had changed me from a strong, independent feminist… To someone who had to shy away from her true nature because it wasn’t what a man wanted?
I don’t know whether it’s the South or America as a whole. Back home, living in the surrounding areas of London there’s always someone else. If a man doesn’t tick all of my boxes then he is not worth my time. I have a strict set of rules:
- Is he secure in his job and where he is going with it?
- Does he have the same amount of ambition and drive as me?
- Can he challenge me mentally?
- Can he keep up with my sexual desires?
- Does he make me laugh?
This boy only had one of these key qualities and yet I had let him force me to doubt myself. I actually chased after him because he had made me feel so little, I suddenly needed his acceptance. I had not been so manipulated since I was a self-conscious 15-year-old seeking approval.
This week, him and both of the two other boys I have slept with since being here contacted me within the space of 24 hours. It’s always endearing to get the typical drunken call and the “Wanted to patch things up with you” text. It seems cuffing season is a real thing in America and that the boys are only concerned with being fuck boys, after their own gratification.
I am a modern-day woman.
And to every man who is reading this please understand that most girls feel this same way. WE LOVE SEX. And we most definitely aren’t going to settle. I have ambition and it is why there has always been something in my way to stop me from committing to relationships. I liked someone at school? Oh, sorry I’m going to university next year. I liked someone at university? Sorry, this can’t get serious because I’m going to be away for a year. I like someone out here? Should I be kidding myself? I’ve fuelled the idea of possibly liking someone out here, but it wouldn’t be anyone who is as narrow minded as the fuck boys that I have, and are going to continue to exemplar on these running pieces. A decent man in the South is few, and far between. When I have come across someone who does pique my interest even with the slightest, I know that there is a fear there – “this girl has travelled the world, this girl has a higher intelligence than me, this girl gets too much attention on a night out”. WHO the fuck can tell me that it is wrong to get attention on a night out par myself? I want to get my arse out dancing on a table top? I will because it is my sexuality. Not every man would like that no, but unless you can compete with me in every way possible, unless you can challenge my mind, fuck me until my legs turn to jelly and keep up with the pace that my world moves at I will not commit to you.
Whilst in an American University, I have honesty been shocked by what I’ve heard from other girls and what I’ve had done to me. There’s a lack of independence here for women and what I propose is to collect these stories. I want to write about the hilarious, and sometimes upsetting consequences of associating with a fuck boy and prove once and for all why the American fuck boy is the ultimate fuck boy.
Please feel to email me your stories, message me on Instagram or even come up to me in person! I’ll be putting in my own horrific stories too and might even have to force myself on a couple of tinder dates to get more. Hopefully this can be a lighthearted weekly piece, to educate the small-minded and for you girls to giggle at.